musings in the dark

we had a short power blackout at work today as a result of a sudden, unexpected storm of sorts. for 20 minutes, we were bombarded by a series of deafening thunderclaps punctuated by lightning that slashed through the night sky.

about 3 seconds before the blackout, a couple of our officemates (who were sitting near the window) reported seeing a flash of bluish light near our building.

i hit the Save button fast enough to freeze the chapter i was working on in time. the building generator system came to life shortly but after 2 minutes we were told to shut down our PCs because our emergency backup system could only support a limited number of PCs running at full capacity.

so after that, short of swapping ghost stories (with the storm providing a great backdrop), we were basically left with little else to do -- except to twiddle our thumbs or fiddle with our mobile phones.

at this unexpected break, i was left to ponder on a few things that have been lurking in the back of my mind since last week -- mostly about the fact that when you're used to do your work almost exclusively on a PC, a simple matter like a power outage can sometimes leave you feeling disoriented.

now, the biggest challenge is to find something vaguely stimulating to keep your mind from rotting away while you wait for:

(a) power resumption
(b) the time till it's time to go home, or
(c) an inspired moment when an idea of such passing brilliance can lead you to write an achingly beautiful sonnet, a symphony masterpiece, or a revolutionary scientific theory that will make space travel easier.

of these three options, the probability that option (c) will occur is likely a billion-to-one proposition (like maybe, when hell freezes over?), but it sounds rather nice to include it in the list -- you know, just in case a miracle happens.

i was in the middle of more outlandish imaginings when the lights suddenly came back. almost on cue, everybody sighed in mingled relief and regret. our office jester, who's rarely at a loss, quipped: "alright slaves, show's over. back to work!"

thinking aloud...

lately, i have developed this disconcerting habit of blurting out my thoughts to no one in particular — you know, the kind you make when you're running a mental conversation with yourself.



now this isn’t really much of a big deal when you’re in the confines of your own room. or at least when there’s no one else around to hear you argue with yourself. but when you’re in the middle of the street muttering unintelligible phrases, chances are you'll notice bystanders giving you strange looks and people giving you a wide berth as you pass by.

i wouldn't be surprised if one of these days some baffled soul will come right out and accuse me of having a split personality or something. or maybe squeeze me into a straight-jacket and put me in a padded cell somewhere.

i guess it comes from living so long on my own. sometimes silence can be a bit unnerving, so i have this compulsion to fill the gap with some chatter — any sound — to remind myself that somehow i’m still a functioning human being who’s still capable of producing certain sounds. or something to that effect.

making a headstart

[note: below is the first entry i ever posted in online -- i wrote this back in 2005, when i was blundering my way around the blogosphere.]

hmm... finally, my own space!

i feel like i've just been given a set of keys to my own special tower. i don't know how long this is gonna last folks (hopefully, a long time) but i intend to make the most of it.

for some reason i like the idea of having my own blog without having to conform to somebody's idea of what a good composition should look like (heheh). it's like i have this separate piece of me that has a life of its own but still have enough space for me to visit regularly whenever i feel like submerging myself into something different and 'removed' from my daily grind.

okay ... enough of that.

at the moment i'm deeply immersed in my work that sometimes it feels like i'm losing parts of me along the way and there's this panicky feeling inside that's sounding a warning bell -- i gotta get out of this rut! i think i'm losing my sense of balance (which is important for me) and i really don't want things to reach a level where i'll be forced to do something drastic just to see changes. i don't know, i'm probably just feeling a bit out of my depth at the moment... hmm.

i'm in one of my "blue" funks, so i'll probably watch a few Seinfeld episodes later to 'perk' me up. either that or one of the anime series i bought two weeks ago. they're like my daily dose of alternative reality, just to provide myself a sort of balance from what i usually do in the office.